Does your business or at least some areas of it suffer from moaning, bitching & complaining?   If it does, these are all symptoms of low level conflict and they could be costing your business dearly.

Think about it for a moment.   What are the consequences of such behaviour – Poor customer service, low productivity, poor quality, and low staff morale to name but a few. So what is the cause of such conflict and what can you do about it?

The underlying causes of conflict
Ultimately I believe that conflict is caused by unmet needs.   Consider this scenario.  One of your staff is trying to get on and complete an important and urgent sales quotation whilst a colleague at a neighbouring desk is on the phone having a noisy and very lively chat.   The longer the distracting conversation goes on the more angry and frustrated the other person gets until finally they snap.   They get up, storm over to their neighbour’s desk and unplug their phone from the wall.   The ensuing argument halts all productivity and the tension and ill feeling can last for days if not weeks.

Clearly the quotation writer had a genuine need for peace and quiet to complete their document by the deadline and that need wasn’t being met.

Defusing conflict
In order to defuse such a conflict it is vital to acknowledge the unmet need before you try to find a solution.   Ignoring the underlying need will tend to cause the issue to escalate and that’s the last thing you want.   If you just ask the people involved to apologise to each other you may get compliance but the issue will continue to simmer and is likely to erupt again in the near future.  Empathy is a key skill here.

Resolving the conflict
Conflict can only truly be resolved when that unmet need is met.  In this situation it might mean that either the person on the phone agrees to make their calls outside or that the person writing the quotation can use another quiet office or perhaps even work from home.   In business you must take into account the needs of the business as well as the needs of the individual staff.  It may not always be possible to satisfy everyone’s individual needs completely but you may be able to do enough to eliminate most of the conflict.

Preventing conflict
Of course the ideal situation would be if you could prevent such conflicts from happening in the first place. For this to happen, the manager and their team must be open to and aware of each other’s needs.  Now this is perhaps the most difficult challenge.   Most people are not good at articulating their needs up front.  Walking round the office and just asking your staff “What are your needs” is unlikely to achieve much, at first anyway.   But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to uncover what lies behind their apparently negative behaviour.    The best managers and leaders I have known have all invested time in getting curious about their people and in particular what they need individually to perform at their very best.   They understand that everyone is different and they are always curious about what makes their people tick.     The poorest managers assume that everyone needs the same things that they do and therefore they treat them accordingly.

Conclusion
Managing conflict in teams is not an exact science and the consequences of getting it wrong can be painful and expensive.  On the other hand, the benefits that comes from investing a little time and effort in understanding peoples underlying needs and then meeting those needs in tandem with those of the business can create amazing results and provide huge personal satisfaction.

Photo used under Creative Commons from David_Shankbone

The key to a successful and mutually beneficial sales relationship is the ability to establish rapport with your prospective client quickly.

Some people believe that rapport is a “chemistry” thing that depends on both people and that you either have it or you don’t. Whilst there is an element of truth in this, consider the implications of this belief. If you can only sell to people with whom you have at least a degree of rapport and rapport is a “chance” thing, this means that selling is purely a numbers game. The more people you speak to, the more people you will meet with whom you have rapport and so the more you will sell.

The downside of this mindset is that it is not very efficient, i.e “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”

Imagine an alternative belief. Imagine that you could build rapport with almost everybody, quickly and effectively. Suddenly everybody you speak to becomes a potential prospect and life gets a lot easier.

OK, interested? So how do we pull off this miracle? Well it’s really simple and the good news is that you already know how do do it – unconsciously. The secret is something called mirroring.

The way it seems to work is that we all have a little programme which runs in our minds in the background, unconsciously. Basically it says – “I like and feel comfortable with people who are like me.” And the way our brain decides if somebody is “like me” is that we look for similarities in subtle little things like speed of speed, blinking rate, breathing rate, posture, gesture and facial expression. Thus if you deliberately and consciously choose to mirror a little of the prospective client’s body language, vocal qualities or vocabulary, you will send subtle signals that will allow them to feel comfortable with you, without even knowing why consciously.

At this point you may be saying – Oh yeah! I know all about that. But the real question you be answered is “Do you use it?” Whenever I ask my audiences that question most people say no!

Robert Dilts one my NLP tutors shared an old Polynesian saying – “Knowledge is only a rumour until it’s in the muscle.” If you know something but haven’t yet used it then its only a rumour and you don’t really “know it”

SO I challenge you to put your fears and doubts to one side and practice this skill consciously for at least seven days. I know you will be amazed at the impact it has. And if you don’t email me and tell me why. I’ll answer your concerns and questions in a future post.

Go on, give it a go. What have you got to lose?

One of the common traits of successful influencers is their ability to instantly read their customers and adapt their communication style to suit that of the client.

Once I was coaching someone who was seeking to influence the senior partner in an accounting firm. The consultant’s natural style was extrovert, chatty and very positive.

When the accountant arrived in the room he was sober suited, controlled, precise and unemotional. In short the stereotypical analytical accountant profile.

As I watched, the consultant attempted to build rapport using a warm, friendly, exuberant style which completely failed to win over his client. The harder our enthusiastic consultant tried to win friends and influence people the more irritated the accountant became.

While all this was going on I was sitting at the table observing and taking notes as a coach (with the accountants permission.

After the meeting was over and we were back in the car I asked the consultant how he thought the meeting had gone. To his credit he was realistic and said that it had not gone well and that he felt that he had little in rapport with his prospective client. When I asked why he thought this might be, he just looked at my blankly.

When I started to draw his attention to their differing social styles, the lights started to come on and he understood where he was going wrong. In the next call he paid much more attention to the clients style and toned down his own behaviours to better match those of his prospect. The result, was instant rapport, much better fact finding and a potential sale.

How good are you at reading others and meeting them in their own style first?