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The key to a successful and mutually beneficial sales relationship is the ability to establish rapport with your prospective client quickly.

Some people believe that rapport is a “chemistry” thing that depends on both people and that you either have it or you don’t. Whilst there is an element of truth in this, consider the implications of this belief. If you can only sell to people with whom you have at least a degree of rapport and rapport is a “chance” thing, this means that selling is purely a numbers game. The more people you speak to, the more people you will meet with whom you have rapport and so the more you will sell.

The downside of this mindset is that it is not very efficient, i.e “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”

Imagine an alternative belief. Imagine that you could build rapport with almost everybody, quickly and effectively. Suddenly everybody you speak to becomes a potential prospect and life gets a lot easier.

OK, interested? So how do we pull off this miracle? Well it’s really simple and the good news is that you already know how do do it - unconsciously. The secret is something called mirroring.

The way it seems to work is that we all have a little programme which runs in our minds in the background, unconsciously. Basically it says - “I like and feel comfortable with people who are like me.” And the way our brain decides if somebody is “like me” is that we look for similarities in subtle little things like speed of speed, blinking rate, breathing rate, posture, gesture and facial expression. Thus if you deliberately and consciously choose to mirror a little of the prospective client’s body language, vocal qualities or vocabulary, you will send subtle signals that will allow them to feel comfortable with you, without even knowing why consciously.

At this point you may be saying - Oh yeah! I know all about that. But the real question you be answered is “Do you use it?” Whenever I ask my audiences that question most people say no!

Robert Dilts one my NLP tutors shared an old Polynesian saying - “Knowledge is only a rumour until it’s in the muscle.” If you know something but haven’t yet used it then its only a rumour and you don’t really “know it”

SO I challenge you to put your fears and doubts to one side and practice this skill consciously for at least seven days. I know you will be amazed at the impact it has. And if you don’t email me and tell me why. I’ll answer your concerns and questions in a future post.

Go on, give it a go. What have you got to lose?

One of the common traits of successful influencers is their ability to instantly read their customers and adapt their communication style to suit that of the client.

Once I was coaching someone who was seeking to influence the senior partner in an accounting firm. The consultant’s natural style was extrovert, chatty and very positive.

When the accountant arrived in the room he was sober suited, controlled, precise and unemotional. In short the stereotypical analytical accountant profile.

As I watched, the consultant attempted to build rapport using a warm, friendly, exuberant style which completely failed to win over his client. The harder our enthusiastic consultant tried to win friends and influence people the more irritated the accountant became.

While all this was going on I was sitting at the table observing and taking notes as a coach (with the accountants permission.

After the meeting was over and we were back in the car I asked the consultant how he thought the meeting had gone. To his credit he was realistic and said that it had not gone well and that he felt that he had little in rapport with his prospective client. When I asked why he thought this might be, he just looked at my blankly.

When I started to draw his attention to their differing social styles, the lights started to come on and he understood where he was going wrong. In the next call he paid much more attention to the clients style and toned down his own behaviours to better match those of his prospect. The result, was instant rapport, much better fact finding and a potential sale.

How good are you at reading others and meeting them in their own style first?