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In this post I’d like to address the most common failure of inexperienced negotiators - a lack of preparation.

To be more successful in negotiations you really do need to do your homework. When I say this, a groan goes around the class and a whole raft of excuses come flooding out such as “I don’t have time” or “I’m too busy” or “I work best when I’m spontaneous”.

These are convenient rationalisations to explain why we don’t do something we know we should do. The problem is that the perceived “pain” of preparing is greater and more immediate, than the future pain of failure.

Isn’t this crazy! Think about it for a moment. What is the real cost of a failed negotiation? Well it depends on the context but it may include some or all of the following;

• lost revenue
• ruined relationships
• increased costs
• loss of personal reputation
• loss of respect
• decrease in self esteem

So next time to star to rationalise and put off doing your homework - take a moment to consider the consequences of this decision. How much pain are you creating for yourself?

Good, now I hope you are feeling guilty and are ready to swear that you will never, ever, ever put off doing your homework ever again - right!

So to get you started here are the questions I ask myself when I’m in negotiation preparation mode.

1. What do I want from this negotiation , how much do I want it, and why do I want it? (What’s my prioritised shopping list?)
2. What do I think the other part’s shopping list is (NB: This is an assumption I’ll need to check)
3. What’s my opening position? What am I going to ask for?
4. What’s the worst deal I’d be prepared to accept? I.e. What’s my “walk away” point?
5. What concessions would I prepared to give in return for movement from the other side.
6. What alternatives to negotiation do I have and which is the best one?

Now do your homework, get out there and create some fantastic happy-happy agreements.

Rapport is the master skill of all communicators, and when you apply it to any type of negotiation the results can be magical.

I define rapport as the art of cooperative communication, the mutual feeling of trust, respect and comfort that underpins all successful negotiations.

As an NLP practitioner and experienced negotiator, I know first hand how powerful some simple rapport building techniques can be so here are my top three tips for creating rapport fast!

1. Mirror/match a few non-verbal characteristics of the other person such as sitting or standing posture, head tilt, facial expression or hand gestures. This will do two things - firstly it will put them at their ease without them knowing why.
   - secondly it will allow you to have better empathy and so a deeper understanding of
   their position.
2. Match their vocal delivery, particulalry their speed of delivery, volume and vocal energy levels.
3. Listen to their choice of words and reflect back the key phrases using their workds rather than your own.

These simple techniques can be easily learned and will accelerate the development of rapport dramatically. Once you have the rapport you can then use it to lead the other person to the state you need them to be in to get the best deal. Have a go and see for yourself.

A couple of posts ago I introduced the concept of “Win-Win” outcomes or “Happy-Happy” negotiations as I prefer to think of them. One of the biggest challenges with this idea is that it often seems like an impossible dream when the two parties negotiating appear to have fixed positions which are mutually exclusive.

Great negotiators recognise that negotiating over fixed positions is a guarantee of failure in many situations. They know how to change the level that that game is being played on, in order to open up new, mutually beneficial solutions. This technique is called chunking up.

Imagine a situation where two men are sitting in a library arguing about whether the window they are sitting beside should be open or closed. One man wants the window open whilst the other wants it closed. The librarian, hearing the commotion comes over to investigate. How does she solve the problem?

Of course she could just impose a solution like throwing them both out of the library for making a noise or side with one or the other. The canny Librarian however has another trick up her sleeve. She askes the man who wants the window open “Why do you want it open?” and he replies “because it’s stuffy in here and I’d like a little fresh air.” She then asks the man who wants it closed “Why do you want it closed?” He replies “Because I don’t want a cold draft on my neck.”

The solution now becomes simple. She opens another window a little away from both men, providing fresh air but avoiding a localised draft. Now that’s what I call a Happy-Happy result.

So what lesson can we learn from this? Well the Librarian chunked up a level from their original position of the open/closed window by asking why they wanted their respective positions, thus opening up the possibility of a new solution which could satisfy both parties.

So next time you are in a potentially sticky negotiation remember the wisdom of the Librarian and stop arguing over positions. Instead start to explore why your opposite number wants what they want and also why you want what you want. Chunk up and your much more likely yo uncover the roots of a new and effective solution.

Last night, like millions of others around the UK, I was glued to the TV to watch the penultimate episode of the Apprentice. After a gruelling round of interviews, the five remaining candidates were to be whittled down to the final two. Lohit and Tre were dispatched in usual Alan Sugar style but the real bombshell was when Sir Alan told Katie she was through to the final.

The way he did this was masterful in my opinion because, whilst he offered her the place in the final, he demanded a clear and irrevocable commitment that, should she win, she would accept the position and not let him down. As he did this, he looked her straight in the eyes and was silent for what seemed a long time.

Katie’s uncharacteristically muted reaction was picked up by Sir Alan and a few minutes later, before deciding which of the remaining two candidates to select for the final, he turned back to Katie and asked her if she still wanted to make that commitment or whether she would rather withdraw. Again there was a long silence after his question as Katie squirmed before finally bowing out, leaving the field clear for the two remaining and in my mind, much more suitable candidates.

So what sort of game was Sir Alan playing? Had he made a critical mistake in offering Katie the place in the final? Well I guess we’ll never know for sure, but I believe that he played a very smart game and used a classic negotiating tactic in allowing Katie the dignity of capitulating without losing face.

I think that Sir Allan knew that Katie was never going to stick around and that her real goal was to kick start her own media career. He could have really launched into her and accused her of messing him around and never having the intention of accepting the job should she win it. Instead he chose to call her bluff and then give her a get out of jail free card.

In most negotiations when you have all the aces, it’s still not a good idea to rub your opponents nose in it when you get what you want. Allow them to back down with dignity and you’ll maintain their respect and avoid getting stabbed in the back yourself later.

Well done Sir Allan, you made the right decision and taught us all a powerful lesson in the process.

When I first started learning about negotiation skills, everyone talked about win-win as being the most desired outcome. As a negotiating rookie, I had a lot of trouble with this concept. Surely negotiation is about getting what I want so how can I do that without the other person losing. Is win-win really possible?

As time went by I learned that this mutually beneficial outcome is often possible because both parties don’t necessarily want the same thing, however I continued to struggle with the terminology until I read a book called Negotiate and Win by Don Misino.

Don was a police sniper who trained a hostage negotiator, ands as you can imagine he has been involved in a number of high profile, high stakes negotiations throughout his career. In his book he introduced me to the term “Happy-Happy” outcomes. Don defines this as an end result where both parties are “happy” with the final outcome.

This terminology sit much more comfortably with me and has helped me enormously in many negotiation situations. When I remember that my goal is an outcome with which we can both be happy, I seem to have more flexibility and more sensitivity and as a result build better long term relationships with the people I negotiate with.

Try it out and see for yourself . And don’t forget to share your thoughts by posting a comment.
Have a happy day!

Negotiation is the art of getting the best deal for you and the other party.Most people think of it in a limited number of restricted contexts like selling and buying houses or buying goods at a market OR in big corporate deals. People have self imposed rules on when and where it is OK to Negotiate.

In truth, negotiation is possible in almost every situation where two or more people have some something that the other wants. Here are some examples to get you started.

In a high street store

You might not think it possible but you can often negotiate a discount for cash. Now some stores won’t negotiate but many will if you ask. I was buying a Satellite Navigation system which was reduced in the sale at an office supplies superstore. I was interested but I didn’t show it. I hesitated and said “I might be interested If you could make it a little cheaper still.” The salesman paused for a second and said “I took another 10% off would that help you make up your mind?” I accepted and walked out of the store with a real bargain. Interestingly in that example I didn’t even have to agree to pay cash - I got a concession and was asked for nothing in return other than an immediate payment.

When you have a complaint.

Imagine you had booked a room in a hotel and when you arrived, you had been allocated a cramped and dingy basement room with no natural light. Rather than accepting it you could try and negotiate a better room. The key in this situation is to have a clear idea of what you would like BEFORE you go and talk to the desk clerk. I was in Denmark once and was given a poor room. I went to reception and explained that I was not happy with my room. I then said that since I was staying for five days, I expected a bigger room with a proper double bed and a better view of the city.
He apologised, went off to talk to the management and when he came back he offered me a much better room at no extra cost.

In a Restaurant.
You book a table at your favourite restaurant but when you arrive, the previous occupants of your table have not finished their meal yet. Don’t just meekly accept the “sorry but you’ll have to wait” response from the management. Negotiate, ” We’ll be happy to wait a few minutes providing we can have a complimentary drink from the bar whilst we wait.”

The lesson today is to challenge your boundaries. Remember that potentially everything is negotiable and that often all you need to ask!

If it’s Thursday then this blog must be about how to negotiate more effectively and so it is.
Now negotiation is one of those skill sets that everybody can benefit from. Indeed negotiation is part and parcel of everyday life whether we are negotiating a good deal on a hotel room, the best price in a shop or a mutually satisfactory solution to a customer service problem.

The starting point for any negotiation has to be clarity on the type of outcome you want. The key questions you need to have thought through are:

1. What do I want?
2. Why do I want it?
3. What am I prepared to trade in order to get it?
4. What can I do if the other party won’t budge?

Question one speaks for itself. If you don’t know what your starting position is, then your chances of getting it are slim to none. So do your homework BEFORE you walk into the negotiation.

Question two is a little more challenging. By clarifying why you want what you want, you are opening up the possibility that there may be other ways to achieve this higher purpose other than your initial position. Ina simple barter situation where you are negotiating over one variable i.e. price, this step is probably unnecessary but, in more complex negotiations, step two is often the key to developing new solutions which neither party had initially thought of but which meet the higher needs of both parties.

Question three opens up the possibility of a win-win negotiation. In order to come to a mutually beneficial solution both parties need to be prepared to move from their starting positions at least a little. The use of conditional language is the key here. “If you … then I…”

For example I was recently involved in the early stages of a negotiation where it was critical to find out what the other side wanted and why they wanted it. They were being cagey and asked us to say what we wanted first. Rather than giving in to them I negotiated by saying “If you can tell us what you want exactly and why you want it, we will be happy to tell you what we want and why we want it, is that OK?” They agreed and the discussion started in earnest.

Question four is crucial in determining what your options are? If you can’t negotiate a settlement what else can you do and how acceptable is that alternative to you. If the other party wont budge can your realistically walk away? Can you appeal to a higher authority? Instigate legal action? Resign? etc. My tip here is to brainstorm all the possible alternatives, then choose the most realistic ones and finally look at how you can strengthen your hand in relation to these objectives. E.g. If your intention is to negotiate a pay rise, one of your alternatives might be to threaten to resign if your boss doesn’t agree. Now how realistic is that? If you already have an attractive job offer from another company then it is a very credible threat. If you don’t, then it isn’t. If you were in the market to buy a new car and you know that, if you don’t get the right deal in this garage, there are lots of other garages in the ares selling the same car, you can threaten to walk out of the dealership if they won’t play ball. I’ve done this and had a salesman run out of the garage a minute later to offer me a better deal. If on the other hand you have your heart set on this make and model and this garage is the only one in the area selling it, then this alternative is much less viable and the dealer is in a stronger position.

So, I would encourage you to plan a little bit more before you negotiate next time. Ask yourself these four questions and be prepared to be pleasantly surprised with the results you achieve.

Earlier today I made one of the classic mistakes in any negotiation. I should have known better, but I was rushed and I hadn’t prepared properly and I fell for it!

I had been trying to get hold of a prospective new client for a few days without success and had all but given up when, unexpectedly they phoned me back. The discussion started well and I was able to do lots of fact finding to understand the problem that they wanted me to solve. Inevitably the conversation turned to money when they asked “How much do you charge?”

Now the wise response would have been to say something like, “That depends, what sort of budget do you have in mind?” Instead I fell for the sucker punch and immediately quoted a rate that was probably a little low. I knew it was a little low when they accepted it without hesitation. Damn, I could have certainly done better.

So it’s true even the most experienced negotiator can slip up if he hasn’t done his homework.
I should have got them to quote a budget because often they offer more than I thought they would. But even then, the wily negotiator will test this and say something like “you’ll have to do a little better than that”, in a neutral friendly tone.

Almost every time I have done this, I have got a better deal. So why didn’t I do it this time? What can we learn from my mistake?

• Do your homework first - Prepare your negotiation range. What rate would you really love? What rate would you be comfortable with? What is your bottom limit?
• Don’t be pressured into responding, just because they asked you a direct question doesn’t mean that you have to answer it immediately. Just smile and ask them what their budget is.
• When you do name a figure, ask for more than you’d be prepared to accept. Even if they offer to split the difference you are still going to walk out of the deal better off.

Now you might think that this is a bit hard but, when its coupled with the principle of happy happy outcomes you’ll see how both of you can be comfortable with the deal. More about this next week.

Good luck and remember to let me know how you get on.

Gavin