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When I first started learning about negotiation skills, everyone talked about win-win as being the most desired outcome. As a negotiating rookie, I had a lot of trouble with this concept. Surely negotiation is about getting what I want so how can I do that without the other person losing. Is win-win really possible?

As time went by I learned that this mutually beneficial outcome is often possible because both parties don’t necessarily want the same thing, however I continued to struggle with the terminology until I read a book called Negotiate and Win by Don Misino.

Don was a police sniper who trained a hostage negotiator, ands as you can imagine he has been involved in a number of high profile, high stakes negotiations throughout his career. In his book he introduced me to the term “Happy-Happy” outcomes. Don defines this as an end result where both parties are “happy” with the final outcome.

This terminology sit much more comfortably with me and has helped me enormously in many negotiation situations. When I remember that my goal is an outcome with which we can both be happy, I seem to have more flexibility and more sensitivity and as a result build better long term relationships with the people I negotiate with.

Try it out and see for yourself . And don’t forget to share your thoughts by posting a comment.
Have a happy day!

I remember working with a team from a company to help them with their sales pitch presentation. As part of the day we reviewed the content and design of their PowerPoint Presentation and, unsurprisingly, their slides were very wordy, “corporate”, and dull.

When I asked them why they designed their slides this way, there was a long pause as they searched for a credible answer other than “That’s the way everybody does them”. Eventually one member of the group said “Because, we need to print them out and leave them with the clients afterwards as a handout.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not averse to leaving handouts but the BIG Problem is that, slides that are designed to be handouts, don’t make good visual aids because they contain too much text and tend to overload the audience when you are presenting from them.

Slides are slides and handouts are handouts - They have separate functions and need to be designed separately if they are to do their job properly.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that PowerPoint has a built in tool that allows you to build both without duplication of effort. It’s called the “Notes Page View” screen. You can find it under the “view” menu option along the top of the screen. If you can’t see it, its probably because you have never used it before and Microsoft Office had thoughtfully hidden it from you so as not to confuse you any further. Click on the little double down chevron at the bottom of the drop down menu and it will appear.

On this page, you see an A4 page with an image of your slide at the top and an enticing area of white space underneath. In this space you can type your notes. These can be used as speaker notes or prompts but better yet, use them as your handout notes. Once you have typed in appropriate notes under each slide, you can print out the presentation using the notes page view option and voila, you have really professional looking handouts to give out - if you really need them.

P.s. If you want help designing really powerful slides and handouts why not contact my friend and fellow communications coach Nicola Norris at impact presentations.

Almost every book on public speaking I have ever read has emphasised the importance of rehearsal in ensuring a successful presentation or speech. The problem is that, for many of us there seems little or no time to have a full blown practice delivery session.
Now this may or may not be true but for now let’s give you the benefit of the doubt. The good news however is that you can harness the power of your imagination for the purpose of rehearsal. In your mind, it is possible to rehearse the essence of a 45 minute speech in less that 5 minutes!

Here’s the process I use when preparing for an important speaking occasion.
Stage 1) In your minds eye, imagine that you are sitting in the audience about to see yourself give your talk, speech or presentation. See yourself “walk on” looking calm, confident and interesting. As an audience member imagine thinking - wow this person looks good, this is going to be a great presentation. Now see and hear the you that is presenting, giving their talk. See them continuing to look confident, authoritative and assertive as they make engaging eye contact with you and the rest of their audience. Hear their fluent, clear, interesting voice used with passion, enthusiasm and appropriate variations in pitch pace and volume. Notice how their content is clear and well structured with the appropriate level of seriousness and humour. Feel how much you are enjoying their presentation and finally, at the end of their talk, give them a thunderous round of applause.

Stage 2) You are going to rehearse this presentation again but this time you are going to do it from the speakers perspective. Imagine that you are about to “walk on” and deliver your speech. Feel that your butterflies are flying in formation and that your are feeling excited and full of positive anticipation. Now walk on and as you do so, imagine yourself making eye contact with your audience. See their smiling faces and feel their interest and good will toward you. Now see, hear and feel yourself delivering your content confidently and authoritatively. See the nods and smiles of your audience, feel the confidence within you and hear your voice clear, powerful and assertive as you fluently deliver your key messages passionately. Finally, when you finish, hear and see the audience applauding you and imagine people afterwards congratulating you on an excellent and impactful presentation.

Stage 3) This last stage is optional but can be really powerful. Imagine that you are standing in the wings and that you are a coach, hired to help the you that is presenting. See and hear the you that is presenting, walk on confidently and deliver a powerful passionate and engaging message. Notice too, the way the audience is responding to this presentation. Now after the presentation is finished, imagine that you were sitting down with the you who was presenting and were giving them some feedback to help them make their content and delivery even better. Having observed them and the audience, what constructive feedback would you give yourself?

In conclusion:
Contrast this with what most people normally do. They unconsciously imagine the worst. They see themselves making a poor presentation and then guess what? That’s what they actually do.

Try out this technique and you will give much better presentations, I guarantee it!

Assertiveness is not just about the words you say and the way you say them. It’s also about the body language you adopt. If your words are saying one thing and your body language is saying another, people will give more weight to what your body language is communicating.

Here’s a quick and simple tip to help you adopt a more assertive stance.

• Stand or sit with your toes pointed slightly outwards.

Did you get that? I did say it was a quick tip but it is also extremely powerful. If you don’t believe me try this little experiment.

1. Stand upright with your feet parallel and hip width apart.
2. Give yourself a score between one and ten for how confident and assertive you feel right now. (0= not assertive 10 = extremely assertive)
3. Now turn your toes inwards by a small about and become aware of what this does to the rest of your posture.
4. Now check in with yourself and re-score your assertiveness level. Has it gone up, gone down or stayed the same?
5. Return your feet to the forward facing, parallel position you started with.
6. Now turn your toes very slightly outwards and become aware of what this does to your posture.
7. Re-score your assertiveness level again, has it gone down, gone up or stayed the same?

You almost certainly noticed that when you turned your toes in, your shoulders rounded , your knees may have started to bend a little, your head came down a touch and you felt less assertive.
When you did the opposite, and turned your toes outwards, you naturally took up a much more upright stance with your shoulders back and your head up. I’ll bet your assertiveness levels increased dramatically too.

Now try this, toes out stance for real next time you want to project a more confident, assertive image and you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel.

One of the common traits of successful influencers is their ability to instantly read their customers and adapt their communication style to suit that of the client.

Once I was coaching someone who was seeking to influence the senior partner in an accounting firm. The consultant’s natural style was extrovert, chatty and very positive.

When the accountant arrived in the room he was sober suited, controlled, precise and unemotional. In short the stereotypical analytical accountant profile.

As I watched, the consultant attempted to build rapport using a warm, friendly, exuberant style which completely failed to win over his client. The harder our enthusiastic consultant tried to win friends and influence people the more irritated the accountant became.

While all this was going on I was sitting at the table observing and taking notes as a coach (with the accountants permission.

After the meeting was over and we were back in the car I asked the consultant how he thought the meeting had gone. To his credit he was realistic and said that it had not gone well and that he felt that he had little in rapport with his prospective client. When I asked why he thought this might be, he just looked at my blankly.

When I started to draw his attention to their differing social styles, the lights started to come on and he understood where he was going wrong. In the next call he paid much more attention to the clients style and toned down his own behaviours to better match those of his prospect. The result, was instant rapport, much better fact finding and a potential sale.

How good are you at reading others and meeting them in their own style first?

Negotiation is the art of getting the best deal for you and the other party.Most people think of it in a limited number of restricted contexts like selling and buying houses or buying goods at a market OR in big corporate deals. People have self imposed rules on when and where it is OK to Negotiate.

In truth, negotiation is possible in almost every situation where two or more people have some something that the other wants. Here are some examples to get you started.

In a high street store

You might not think it possible but you can often negotiate a discount for cash. Now some stores won’t negotiate but many will if you ask. I was buying a Satellite Navigation system which was reduced in the sale at an office supplies superstore. I was interested but I didn’t show it. I hesitated and said “I might be interested If you could make it a little cheaper still.” The salesman paused for a second and said “I took another 10% off would that help you make up your mind?” I accepted and walked out of the store with a real bargain. Interestingly in that example I didn’t even have to agree to pay cash - I got a concession and was asked for nothing in return other than an immediate payment.

When you have a complaint.

Imagine you had booked a room in a hotel and when you arrived, you had been allocated a cramped and dingy basement room with no natural light. Rather than accepting it you could try and negotiate a better room. The key in this situation is to have a clear idea of what you would like BEFORE you go and talk to the desk clerk. I was in Denmark once and was given a poor room. I went to reception and explained that I was not happy with my room. I then said that since I was staying for five days, I expected a bigger room with a proper double bed and a better view of the city.
He apologised, went off to talk to the management and when he came back he offered me a much better room at no extra cost.

In a Restaurant.
You book a table at your favourite restaurant but when you arrive, the previous occupants of your table have not finished their meal yet. Don’t just meekly accept the “sorry but you’ll have to wait” response from the management. Negotiate, ” We’ll be happy to wait a few minutes providing we can have a complimentary drink from the bar whilst we wait.”

The lesson today is to challenge your boundaries. Remember that potentially everything is negotiable and that often all you need to ask!

Have you ever been giving a presentation and you have been asked a question which has required you to temporarily divert from the topic of the slide you are showing?

Have you ever wanted to engage your audience in discussion and not wanted them to be distracted by your last slide

So what do you do? Well I’ve seen all sorts of creative solutions including putting the lens cap on the projector or propping a piece of card up over the lens. Neither of these is ideal, nor are they good for the health of your projector but fear not - PowerPoint has the solution built in but most people don’t know that it even exists.

The secret is simple. If you want to blank the screen simply press “B” on your keyboard and the screen will instantly go dark. To return to the presentation press “B” again and voila, you are back exactly where you left off.

It’s that simple.

NB: if you press “W” you get a white screen” and can toggle between this and your presentation by pressing “W” again. I’m not sure why anyone would want a white screen but the boffins at Microsoft thought you might so they built it in for you too.

This is a simple tip but it makes your job as a presenter much easier.

Enjoy.

Now at first sight the title for today’s article may seem a bit odd to say the least. How can anyone be more assertive by saying less?

Well, the interesting thing is that, non assertive people have a habit of overdoing it when they try to be assertive. They over justify or over apologise which undermines the very messages that they are trying to give. In Assertive Communication, as in many other areas of life, Less Is More.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that to be assertive you shouldn’t say anything! But rather that if you say it more concisely it will come across more clearly and assertively. Now if you are in the habit of overdoing the words and talking yourself into doing things that you don’t want to do then don’t worry. You can change. The key is to start by doing a little homework.

Think about one or two situations where you would like to be a little or a lot more assertive. What would you like to say if the situation arises again. What is a polite and concise way of expressing your wants desires of feelings? Imagine you are a script writer and you are writing the dialogue for this scene. What would the character that you play say to express their opinions assertively?

And finally….
Don’t forget the power of silence. When you have made your point clearly and assertively, shut up! Zip the lip! Confident, assertive people are comfortable with silence and this communicates authority and assertiveness.

As a presentation skills trainer and coach, one of the most common things I help people deal with is nerves. Most people are so afraid of speaking in public that they would do almost anything to avoid it.

In today’s post I’d like to share with you my personal top tips for conquering those nerves and training those butterflies in your stomach to “fly in formation”. These techniques really work but you do have to practice them. Just reading about them won’t do it! The good news is that these techniques are simple and easy.

Now some people do have a real phobia of public speaking and they need specialised coaching or therapy to rid themselves of this fear once and for all. I myself have used NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) techniques to remove phobias however it’s too specialised a subject to cover in this blog and requires face to face support.

So here are my favourite tips that will work for most people.

1. Three or more slow, deep breaths
2. Act as if…
3. Invite the fear in
4. See yourself successful
5. Hold a little saliva in your mouth

Tip number one is so simple and obvious that many people dismiss it without trying it. That’s a pity because it is really powerful. Just notice what happens you you when you deliberately take three slow, deep breaths, preferably in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Fill your lungs right to the bottom with each in breath. Yes your tummy will balloon out a little when you do this but nobody will notice honest. now hold that breath for a count of five then slowly exhale through your mouth until all you cannot squeeze out any more air. Your tummy
should come in towards your backbone as you do this.

This simple exercise, repeated at least three times will bring you a deep sense of relaxation and calm. This is a great one to practice as you prepare for a presentation.

Tip number two is called “Act as if..” because that’s exactly what you have to do. In the case of being confident enough to give a great presentation you need to act as if you were feeling confident. Now think about this. How would you be standing if you were feeling confident? How would you be breathing? How would you be holding your head, What sort of expression would you have on your face? If you force yourself to take on the physiology of confidence guess what will happen? That’s right the longer you hold the physiology, the more confident you will start to feel.

Tip number 3 is about inviting the fear in. Sounds counter intuitive I know but it really does work. When we call fear’s bluff it evaporates like the phantom it really is. If you think you are feeling faint then, rather than resisting it, tell yourself to faint right here right now and see what happens. The answer is absolutely nothing! The fear is a False Expectation Appearing as Real.

Tip number 4 called see yourself successful is all about visualisation or mental rehearsal. Most people who are fearful of making a speech or presentation are actually Olympic class visualisers, the only problem is that the visualise or imagine all the terrible things that could go wrong. When they do this it is obvious that they are feeding their fear and it just gets worse and worse. When you change this pattern and harness this amazing skill to imagine success instead of failure, the fear diminishes and disappears. The more you see, hear and feel yourself vividly delivering your speech confidently, fluently and with authority the better you will feel about the presentation.

And finally tip number five is another really simple one and involves you producing and holding a little saliva in your mouth. This one sounds a bit weird but it is actually closely related to tip number 2. Physiologically, the body can only produce saliva when you are not nervous. That’s why nervous people often complain of having a dry mouth. But, if you deliberately make a little saliva before your presentation and hold it in your mouth , your brain says “if I have saliva in my mouth I can’t be nervous” and it automatically increases the levels of endorphins, the natural positive mood enhancing compounds in your blood stream making you feel more confident and better able to speak confidently and fluently.

So if you suffer from pre-speech nerves thy these tips and let me know which ones work best for you.

Life After Death by PowerPoint

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